A Fun Diversion - Response #5

Well Virginia decided to come out of retirement and make a comment. Now, in case you didn't know, Virginia was the original honey, the one who decided that the term "fag hag" was rather unflattering. And back in the day, we were inseparable. I dragged her to gay bars all over Nashville and she rarely complained, and whether we were sipping cosmopolitans at Tribe, or dancing our asses off at Connection, or getting drunk on the beach in the Outer Banks, she was there. And now even though, she ran off and got married and moved to (gasp) Kentucky, I feel she's still right here.

1) if you had to describe yourself as a fruit, which fruit would you be & why? Well you can bet it's not a cherry. I think an apple. Relatively tough skin, sweet on the inside, bruises easily, and most people tend to like apples. Although I could be wrong.

2) favorite movie and why? It's gotta be Steel Magnolias. Isn't that silly? No matter how many times I see it I never get tired of it. And whenever I catch it on TV, it just warms my heart. It's like it takes me home, and it never fails to make me laugh and cry.

3) you have $15,000 and one day to spend it... what would you get? $5,000 on new clothes, and a $10,000 to book a trip to an exotic spa, where I can read and get massaged and watch pretty boys.

4) what color best describes your personality and why? As cliche as it is, it's blue. It conveys so many meanings and messages, and is pretty diverse.

5) you could live anywhere and have a summer home anywhere... where and why? Ahhh, I would love to live in a big city with lots of character - Chicago, New York, Seattle, San Francisco, with a summer home in Key West, where I can work on being that eccentric drunk. Well, even more than I already do.

6) how do you vent your anger? I rarely vent my anger. Unhealthy, I know. But usually I decide it's not worth damaging a relationship with whatever angry words come out of my mouth. In time, it usually goes away. And how many times have you heard me say, "James, just let it go"?

7) do you love me? *mwah!* Yes. I love you.

A Fun Diversion - Response #4

The damn Catholics strike again!! Today's questions were asked by the "Entertained Catholic." Let's hope I can continue to keep him entertained with the answers.

1) If you could go "back in time" to meet ANY two people; who would they be and why? This has always been a very difficult question for me to answer, merely because I don't "admire" a lot of folks, and maybe that's because of my tendencies to see faults in those people most folks call "heroes."

But you didn't ask about heroes; just people I want to meet. So let's just say I get on the "way back machine" and punch in a few dates and pull the lever, the first stop would be early 1960s. Hopefully I'd land in some fabulous lounge where the Hollywood elite gathered and I'd like to spend an hour or two sipping cocktails with Audrey Hepburn. Just to spend a few minutes in the presence of someone who was the icon of beauty, kindness, grace and impeccable style.

The next stop would be around 1510. What would it be like to spend a few days chatting with Michelangelo, if you could get him to focus on you and not the images unfolding on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel? How magnificent to watch a masterpiece unfold before your very eyes! His imagination and his understanding of beauty. Wow, that would be truly divine.

2) Given the opportunity to write, and have published, a work of significant impact on society to day, what would it be titled and why? Wow, what a lofty goal! I wish I could write the penultimate guide to being gay in the 21st Century, one man's perspective but with such universal appeal that even the heteros would flock to the nearest Barnes and Noble to read it. The guide would finally demystify "the gays," our culture, our biology, our psychology and our relationships with such poignancy, such clarity, such intelligence that it would become required reading for every gay man, as well as the people who both love us and despise us. And for a title? How about My Last Gay Nerve: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Who I Am?

Whew! Those two questions took a lot out of me.

A Fun Diversion - Response #3

So apparently I don't quite have the traffic or the loyal fan base yet to justify 20 questions. To date, I have only received nine questions. And that's okay. The questions were really good, and maybe I'll revisit this little diversion in the future and see what comes up.

Today's questions come from Pork and Shellfish. I don't know who these two protein posers are nor do I profess to understand them 100 percent, but they preach a mean message of tolerance, love and understanding. And isn't that what we all want? Maybe the revolution will start with shrimp and the other white meat.

1. If you could go back in time, would you kill Hitler? No, I wouldn't. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and something of Hitler's nature was certainly part of a master plan. Not to say that what he did was nice or good, but the actions of one man changed history in a way that reverberates today and I'm certain that the universe had a good reason for it. It just isn't immediately apparent. So unless the universe intended for me to go back and kill the son-of-a-bith, then I wouldn't. But then maybe it is the universe's intention for me to kill him and change the timeline... Gosh, I don't know. I have a headache now.

2. We want to know: cut or uncut? (Pork really wants to know.) Almost everyone loves a good cut of Pork. And for your information, I'm cut. And somedays I'm really distraught about this. What good purpose does being cut serve anyway? This whole cut/uncut thing is just a tragedy inflicted upon unknowing Western males.

3. Do you think Jesus gave a crap whether or not guys did it with other guys? Not just no, but hell no. Jesus also preached a mighty mean message of peace, love and understanding. As long as we all just love one another, that's all Jesus wanted.

4. Who do you like better: pork or shellfish? I don't discriminate. I hate everyone equally. Well that's not true. I hate stupid people more. Seriously, I'm not sure I have a favorite. Although I had a fantastic bacon and shrimp quesadilla yesterday afternoon with the boys at Cafe Ole. And well the margaritas were pretty awesome too. And watching HotAss get drenched in strawberry margarita was pretty damn funny. Oh wait, I'm off subject. I admit I'm a huge fan of shellfish -- so tender and so tasty. But pork - well that's a entirely different flavor and desire. The debate goes on.

And I don't think it's fair of you to ask me to choose one over the other. What are you trying to do? Start World War III?

Fun Diversion - Response #2

Ah, Ethan, sweet, young Ethan with the energy of an atom bomb. So here are the questions he posed to me in my fun diversion, and my honest responses.

1) What is your definition of love? Well, good grief. Could you start with a more difficult question? I've just about decided that there isn't a definition of love, at least not a universal definition. It's different for everyone. For me, romantic love is a calming and energizing chemistry, characterized by two people are happy in the other's presence, contentment, mutual respect, trust, acceptance and an undying fascination in the other person.

2) Why do people pierce their dicks? I don't know. On the right dick, it's rather attractive, and erotic. And I'm sure the sensation is incredible.

3) For or against gay marriage and why? I'm for, although I am rather torn on this civil union vs. marriage issue. It's an equality issue, and there's no reason that gays shouldn't be equal. And I just want someone to make an intelligent argument that doesn't bring in religion or morality. Both religion and morality are subject to individual points of view. Equality should universal. And even if homosexuality is a choice (which I don't believe it is), it's MY choice, and no one is getting harmed by it. So live and let live.

4) How are your ribs? A week later, I have a beautiful greenish-yellow bruise the size of your fist and a pretty little scrape. Thanks for asking.

Woof-Worthy #5

After answering the question from Rob Williams from the UK, I happened to think... could it be? Nah, of course not. How common of a name is Rob Williams?

Well at any rate, it gave um, rise, to a thought or two about the Ultimate UK Bad Boy, Robbie Williams, and holy Moses, he's hot. I can't tell you how many times I tried to download the video for "Rock DJ" just to catch a glimpse of his naked bum and his wankie.

And then of course there are those rumors that Robbie just might be a poof. Well, somehow he does seem like the sorta boy who would spank you like a dirty tramp, piss on your head, f*ck you 69 ways, and leave you with a smile on your face. Woof.

I picked up all these woofy pictures at George & Nick's, who seem to share my fascination with Robbie.


just might be the ultimate in woof...

A Fun Diversion - Response # 1

Well our first question comes from across the pond, a fellow blogger named Rob Williams. A very thought-provoking question that I've been mulling around for several days. What percentage "human" are you and what percentage "animal" are you?

I really had to think about this one, but Rob poses a pretty interesting theory: are humans simply animals that learned to drive, vote, sip Starbucks coffee and have recreational sex? And all those things that we view as "animalistic" -- crime, violence, rampant lust -- aren't they really just carry-overs of a time before we evolved? And is it really wrong to deny our evolution?

I'll go on record as subscribing to this theory. Well sort of. We are just animals. For the most part (let's say 80 percent), we are guided (and sometimes misguided) by instinct and desire - food, water, shelter, and procreation of the species. And all of the means to those ends. We work to earn money to pay for our food, water, shelter, and the grooming products that make us desireable to the opposite sex for procreation.

We've evolved in ways that just make us SMARTER to reach those things. Instead of hunting wildebeast and gathering berries, we drive through McDonald's. Instead of sipping from the stream and hauling earthen jars miles back to the village, we have Dasani, bottle cranberry juice, and copper plumbing. And let's just not even get into all the ways we've gotten smarter about getting into someone's pants.

And let's face it...those activities that we see as animalistic, aren't those really just defenses when someone threatens our ability to achieve those basic needs?

Now the other 20 percent...well, we might be "human." And I think it is in that 20 percent that we will find the greatest accomplishments of our species-- space travel, a classical concerto, a beautiful painting, discovering true love, a great cocktail. Those are the things that transcend the basic needs and show that we might be more than our instincts.

Now do we deny our ancestry? Yes. Where is the joy in being driven by desire to keep food in our stomachs and roof over our heads? Where is the joy in whacking off someone's hand because they lifted a loaf of bread from the market?

A human's greatest joy has always been found in that small 20 percent. Our greatest tragedies and losses have been found in the mindless, if not insane, pursuit of basic needs. Why not strive to overcome that drive and to make more joy? Don't we all want to be more than we are?

So there you have it, Rob. The answer to your question is -- 80% animal, 20% human with the hope that I can someday be less "animal" -- well, except in special circumstances :-D.

Look What Kimdog Gave Me

Yay! A Quiz...

Three Names You Go By: James, Jamie and Skipper

Three Screen Names You Have: Jamnash2000, Slick38104, NashvilleJames

Three Things You Like About Yourself: I am so easy going, corpses can get more wound up; I am witty. And I am a genuinely nice guy.

Three Things You Dislike About Yourself: I'm lazy as hell. I can be more than a little obsessive-compulsive. And my need for perfection.

Three Parts of Your Heritage: English, Irish and Cherokee Indian

Three Things That Scare You: I'm going to agree with Kimdog on this one...I don't want to wake up one morning "stuck" in a humdrum life. Being alone. Being discovered as a fraud (which I'm not but it's a insecurity of mine...just ask my therapist).

Three Everyday Essentials: Diet Coke, a watch and music of some sort

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now: sparkly pink fingernail polish -- oh wait, not today. Gray flat front slacks. A Kenneth Cole watch. And seamless white briefs

Three Favorite Bands/Artists: Madonna, Dolly Parton and Elton John.

Three Favorite Songs At Present: "Collide" By Howie Day, "Lola's Theme" by Shapeshifters UK, and "Rich Girl" by Gwen Stefani.

Three Things You Want To Try And Do In The Next Twelve Months: Fall in love, take a vacation, paint something really awesome

Three Things You Want In A Relationship: Emotional equality, respect and hot sex

Two Truths And A Lie: I drive a Honda. My coffee maker is a Mr. Coffee. And my kitchen oven is electric.

Three Physical Things About The SAME Sex That Appeal To You: strong hands, hairy chests, goatees

Three Things You Just Can't Do: Eat chocolate covered cherries, have sex with a woman, witness injustice or stupidity

Three Favorite Hobbies: Reading, blogging, painting

Three Things I Want To Do Really Bad Right Now: Get out of these clothes, take off my shoes, win the lottery and get out of work

Three Careers You Have Considered: attorney, astronaut, actor

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation: Key West, England and Amsterdam

Three Kid's Names You Have Considered: James Britain, Katie Elizabeth, and James Ryan (yeah so I'm vain and like my name)

Three Things You Want To Do before You Die: Meet Dolly Parton, skydive and live each day like it's the last one I have on earth.

Three People Who Have To Take This Quiz Now: Ethan in his Closet, Tinkerbell and Virginia

A Fun Diversion

Maybe this might be more fun than falling down the stairs. It's an idea I stole from another blogger.

It's a fun little game. Each reader can ask me up to four questions - just comment below. I will answer only the first 20 questions, and I promise to answer each one honestly in an upcoming post -- assuming I understand your goofy question. Ask whatever you want. No holds barred. No limits.

Remember, only the first 20 questions so ask early.

Legends of the Fall

Sunday morning when I woke up about 11:30, I took an inventory of my injuries.

1. A gash on my right middle finger
2. A scrape on the inside of my right forearm
3. A bruise on the inside of my left forearm
4. A small bruise on my left wrist
5. A sore left middle finger
6. Assorted bruises and aches on my legs
7. A terrible scrape and painful bruise on my left ribs

While being in a car accident or a fight would have been glamourous, sadly it wasn't the truth. I fell. Down stairs. In a crowded gay bar. Surrounded by judging people.

As the Artist tells it, one second I was standing at the top of the stairs. The next I was a crumpled heap at the bottom. And it wasn't even as if I tried to fall gracefully. It was end over end, bouncing down the steps like a ball in a pinball machine. And isn't it funny when something like that happens? Your first thought isn't "ohmygod, did I break anything?" It's "ohmygod, did anyone see me?"

Unfortunately, people saw me.

Just for the record, that was the second time I had tripped/fallen down stairs in the last week. The other time was in a the middle of a crowded lecture hall, where I was delivering a presentation to pharmacy students. Although I didn't hit the floor, I did make a good stumble and fell out of my shoes.

And this is the third time I fell down stairs in the last four months. Those damn stairs at The Dynamic Duo's are steep and treacherous, especially when wet and icy.

I'm changing my name to "Grace."

Woof-Worthy #4 - Shameless Self-Promotion

A Moment of Vanity

Check me out. Finally, I think I can don a tuxedo and look more James Bond, and less maitre'd.

The Land of Milk and Honeys

More news from the honey front...

The honey I left behind in Nashville, the Pink Lady, is moving to Memphis. She's coming to take a new job, and the Bluff City is ready to welcome her with loving arms.

This is great news, as there as been a serious honey drought since I moved to Memphis. Oddly enough, the friends I have here don't necessarily have honeys in the the tri-state area, although Tinkerbell is a good honey to know and love (and I look forward to many fun times with her). So the addition of the Pink Lady is a great boon to our city.

Not that I expect Pink Lady to frequent the Pumping Station with us, but it'll still be good to have that straight girl grounding experience. Someone to offer the perspective that the world doesn't revolve around gay men but who still enjoys the company of men who enjoy the company of men.

On the phone today, I told her that we would have a "Welcome Pink Lady" party in her honor, and that she might very well be the only girl there.

She responded that she was a princess enough to hold her own in the middle of a bunch of queens.

My God, I love her!

Someday vs. Yesterday

Yesterday (last night actually), I had the great pleasure of spending time with one of my childhood friends. We've known each other and been friends through thick and thin for about 20 years, and as it turned out, she was my first honey.

In the years of our friendship, we had lots of ups and downs. We worked our way through petty high school backstabbing and name-calling. I went away to college and moved out of town. She went to college, got married, had a beautiful daughter and we went on with our lives as people are apt to do. And we have the great kind of friendship that we don't have to talk every day or every month for that matter. We know that the other has a life and when we connect, we pick up right where we left off.

Of course, we're different people now with vastly different lives. And it's funny how in the "good ol' days" we used to spend hours talking about the somedays that were ahead. And now we spend a good deal of time saying, "Hey, remember when...?"

But you know that's the true test of friendship I think. We've shared a lot in our 20 years of friendship -- some ugly moments, some joyous moments -- but it's comforting to know that someone out there knows you inside and out.

Bow Chicka Bow Wow

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100 Facts I Know About Me - #65-#100

The final installment of our drama...

65.I love rainy days more than sunny days.
66. My favorite season is fall, followed by spring, winter and summer.
67. My favorite holidays are Halloween and New Year’s Eve.
68. I’m not a particularly big fan of Christmas.
69. I’m terribly afraid of snakes, although my biggest fear is being alone.
70. The last time I cried was over an episode of “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.”
71. The time before that was when I was leaving Nashville.
72. The last time I yelled at someone was an argument with my ex-boyfriend.
73. I invented a beverage in college with Hawaiian Punch and Southern Comfort. I called it an Aloha Ya’ll. What? You’ve never heard of it?
74. I have a recurring dream that I haven’t been to Spanish class all semester.
75. Over this past weekend, I purchased a skydiving trip in a silent auction. Imagine the squeals.
76. Apples are my favorite fruits. Bananas are my least favorites.
77. Some of my favorite porn stars are Kent Larson, Tag Adams, Jason Branch, Danny Vox and Zak Spears (pre-shaved head). What? You don’t have favorite porn stars?
78. Some of the songs that almost ALWAYS bring a tear to my eye are: Moon River by Henry Mancini; Midnight Train to Georgia by Gladys Knight & The Pips; When She Loved Me by Sarah McLachlan; Superman by Five for Fighting; and Someday We’ll Be Together by Diana Ross & The Supremes.
79. I love the smells of patchouli (hippy stink), clean sheets, that perfect combination of sweat, beer, smoke, cologne and Big Red gum, the air right before a rain, the rain on hot pavement, the wind off the ocean, and wood smoke on a cold winter’s day.
80. I am the quintessential Libra.
81. I have a tattoo of the Libra pictogram just above the crack of my ass on my lower back
82. I had my left ear pierced in college. The hole is still there.
83. Ice cream, Chips Ahoy! cookies and milk, homemade chili cheese fries and Krystal burgers at 3 a.m. are the ultimate in guilty pleasures
84. In my gay goddess pantheon, there would be Dolly Parton (as the goddess of home and hearth), Madonna (as the goddess of love, desire and fertility), Oprah Winfrey (as the goddess of communication), Cher (as the goddess of longevity), Barbra Streisand (as the goddess of war and wisdom), Whitney Houston (as the goddess fallen from grace) and Deborah Cox (as the goddess of knowing how a girl/gay boy feels).
85. I want to be cremated when I die. Although I don’t know where my ashes will go. Although I think it would be great for my friends to rent a house on the Outer Banks for week and scatter my ashes in the wind near Cape Hatteras Lighthouse.
86. I prefer Diet Coke over Coke.
87. Some of the movies that make me cry are: Steel Magnolias; Moulin Rouge; My Girl; and, It’s My Party. I’m a sucker for melodrama.
88. I own five different kinds of cockrings.

89. Eros Bodyglide is my favorite lube.
90. If I could be any animal, I’d be a horse.
91. One day I want to visit England, and pass myself off as a British bohemian.
92. My favorite flavor of ice cream is rocky road.
93. I make a mean homemade ice cream – sweet potato pie.
94. Techno music makes me horny.
95. My friends are my family – Hotass, Jeff & Goose, Dooooglas, T-man, Ethan, The Godfather, Dynamic Duo, Virginia, Amy, Kimdog, Virginia and Tinkerbell. One Christmas, we will all be together and the world will collapse upon itself.
96. I’ve decided that my life’s motto is “do what you gotta do.”
97. I live above a liquor store. Is that bad?
98. If I could quit my job and do anything in the world, I’d retire to Key West and be an artist and an a writer. (Translation: I'd be an eccentric drunk.)
99. I think the greatest joy in the world is being surrounded by people you love and who love you. At least I think this today. This one is subject to change
100. I am me, and no one else. The rest is still unwritten.

Daylight Freakin' Time

Who would have thought that one little hour would be the death of me?

I don't know what it is but I am totally wiped out today. Yes, it could have been a rockstar weekend. Friday night was a fund raiser for the Greater Memphis Arts Council with Twirl (love ya, poodle) and way too much to drink. Saturday night was a black-tie dinner for the organization I work for. Again followed by too much to drink. And then a night out on the town with HotAss.

After all that straightness, I needed to be where the queers are. So Saturday night after I shed my tux, we hit the Pumping Station and then Crackstreet for some drinking and shaking of the tailfeather. Who was that cute boy I was dancing with? And then making out with? And then...well...I behaved myself...mostly.

On Sunday, I saw Sin City. That would be enough to fuck you up for days. And I was zonked for the rest of the afternoon, even while HotAss and I watched Desperate Housewives over cheese and crackers and chocolate chip cookies.

100 Facts I Know About Me...#31-#64

The long-awaited sequel to "100 Facts I Know About Me - Part One." This is harder than I thought it would be.

31. My most amazing scar is the v-shaped wound on my left wrist left over from sibling scuffle in which my brother knocked me out of a lawn chair and I landed on a piece of broken glass.
32. I have a mole just under my right nipple.
33. I was a chunky kid, and I still see that chunky kid when I look in the mirror.
34. My very first gay relationship ended in a very dramatic way. This deserves its own post.
35. Like a true child of the South, I love fried catfish and hushpuppies.
36. There isn’t enough money in the world to pay me to eat a chocolate-covered cherry. In fact, I loathe almost every food that squirts or oozes
37. I wear a size 9 shoe most of the time. Sometimes I can get into an 8.5.
38. My first fully-understood gay crush was on a friend of mine, before I knew he was gay. My best friend slept with him first. And I was furious.
39. I’ve been paid for sex – twice.
40. My first job ever was as a gas station attendant.
41. My second job was as a cook at Krystal.
42. My first job out of college was as a copywriter for an advertising/PR agency. It was my dream job. My first salary was $17,500. I was deluded.
43. I first got drunk the summer after I graduated high school at a friend’s birthday party. I got sick on screwdrivers and wretched in the kitchen sink.
44. I first smoked pot on my 21st birthday. That was also my first trip to a gay bar. Which also resulted in my first trick ever.
45. My dad took me to my first concert – Conway Twitty with The Judds as the opening act.
46. The first movie I remember seeing was a re-release of “Bambi."
47. When I was 12, my life’s ambition was to be an astronaut. I read every book on space travel, NASA and astronomy in the public library. Then the first space shuttle exploded and I lost my nerve.
48. I started smoking when I was 19, and smoked continuously until I was 29. I still sneak.
49. My favorite flowers are white tulips.
50. One of my favorite foods is hamburgers and fries.
51. One of the most beautiful places on earth is the Outer Banks of North Carolina.
52. I’ve only had one hospital stay in my life. When I was 11 for a stomach bug.
53. I’ve broken both ankles.
54. My heart has been broken several times.
55. I’ve been in love once in my life. And I know there are more to come.
56. I’ve taken up painting in the past year. And I think I might have some talent.
57. My first significant (key word is significant) relationship with a man was the definition of “dull.” This is not the same as #34.
58. My second significant relationship with a man was the definition of “fucked up.”
59. When my third and most recent relationship with a man was good, it was very good. When it was bad, it was downright dysfunctional.
60. I don’t like to wear underwear but, don’t worry, I do.
61. My favorite color is blue.
62. My favorite cocktail is gin & tonic.
63. My favorite wine is whichever one I happen to be drinking at the time.
64. I once broke a boy’s nose on the schoolbus when I was in high school. I’d listened to him run his mouth long enough. I swung my arm around, caught him right across the bridge of his nose and broke it in three places. I got kicked off the bus and I got three sympathetic licks from the vice-principal. He thought the boy was a loudmouth troublemaker too.

-More to come...