Have You Ever...? Questions 6-10

6. Have you ever been on TV? Yes. In a previous lifetime, I was the media spokesperson for a nonprofit agency in Nashville, so I ended up on the 6'o'clock news a couple of times. Once, I even demonstrated how to make sweet potato ice cream in the cooking segment on the midday show.

7. Have you ever broken a bone? Yes. When I was a college freshman, I had a group of friends with whom I played Death Tag in the Fine Arts Building on Friday nights. We drew names of our target, ensuring that no one knew who their killer would be. We chased each other through acting labs and music appreciation classrooms. One night, as I was being chased down a flight of concrete stairs in the fire exit, I landed on my right ankle wrong. Snap went my ankle and I spent the next six weeks in a smelly cast. The incident also ended my acting career. Just that afternoon, I found out I had gotten cast as Chorus Member #4 in the spring semester's production of Wiley and the Hairy Man.

8. Have you ever broken up with someone? Yes. When I was a college senior, I began dating Crazy Keifer. He worked with my roommate at Chili's, and he drove up from Nashville to spend his crazy server days off. After four weeks, it wasn't working out. So I broke up with him in the rain under the pine trees. Dramatic, huh? It gets worse. The next day, while I was in class, Keifer was still in my apartment and began drinking cheap beer at 10 a.m. By the time, I arrived home at 4:30 p.m., he was blind-ass drunk. I put him to bed and went out with my friends to The Pub.

We got back home about eight. Around 10, someone suggested I might should check on him. Crazy Keifer had slipped out into the night. The red light bulb on the bedside table was dramatic, casting the room in a spooky crimson light. The open window and the billowing curtains were even more dramatic.

I don't know how long he had been gone. He could have slipped away after we arrived home, or he could have left while we were gone, in which case he could have just left through the front door.

Coincidentally, Crazy Keifer also started the Crazy Crab Infestation of 1995.

9. Has someone ever broken up with you? Yep. And in every instance, it was the best thing that could have happened.

10. Have you ever called your significant other by the wrong name? I'm sure I have, but I can't recall a specific time. Wait, does "motherfucker" count?