Something Amiss in Saigon

The B-Grade movie in my mind

Now I never professed to be a theatre queen, but I love a good showtune as much as the next guy. And Miss Saigon has always been one of my favorite musicals. A tragic story of love and war. Soaring and moving music. Plus, I've always had the hots for the male lead. In my book, it ranks right up there.

Well, imagine my surprise and my delight when a certain date-able young lad asked if I would accompany him to a performance of Miss Saigon at Memphis' world-famous Orpheum Theatre. Now, I should add here that DYL (Date-able Young Lad) is a theatre snob. He's a managing director of a theatre company here, and he gets comp tickets to Orpheum shows. I was in for a treat.

Take a look at that picture above. What do you notice about it? The sun, the face and ... oh yeah, look at that -- a bloody helicopter! If you've seen Miss Saigon, you know that the helicopter deserves a starring role. At a critical plot point in the show, a giant mechanical helicopter lowers itself to the stage in a blaze of lights and music to recreate the American evacuation of Saigon, tearing the two lovers apart. Dramatic and certainly one of the more memorable moments in Broadway.

This show didn't have the helicopter. That's like Phantom of the Opera without the chandelier. It's like Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat without the dreamcoat. It's like Rent without drag queens.

When the video screen rolled down, and the animated helicopter swung into view above the stage, I put my hand to my mouth, gasped, and quietly shook my head.

However, the show might have redeemed itself when Kim shot herself at the end. I've never seen a dead woman get so much air. She landed six feet away. It was hysterical.