The Most Fabulous Neighborhood

The view from the veranda

Apparently, I offended.

This past weekend, the Gaggle is sitting around at the Dynamic Duo's place, drinking every last drop of wine they have in the house. We sit, we bitch, we philosophize, we make fun. It's what we do and we do it well.

And, let me just tell you, that gay men as a group usually don't offend easily. You can talk casually about any number of traditionally offensive topics and most of my gay friends will just say, "Preach on, sister!" How the conversation turned to religion and blasphemers, I don't know. I see the window (although it looks a little fuzzy through four glasses of merlot) to tell the following joke:

Q: How does Jesus bite his nails?
The punchline is that the jokester pretends to gnaw the center of his palms.

The Gaggle laugh and then realize that they have gotten their Hell card stamped.

"Ooooooooohh," the Artist says, "you're going to Hell."

It was only slightly hypocritical coming from THAT one, but nevertheless, I had the rest of the weekend to ponder the error of my ways, and flip through Hell's real estate classifieds for my future digs.

Most were barely shacks. Costing only a few sins, they were affordable but miles away from downtown Hades. The lofts were, in my opinion, hardly livable, especially since the demon-traffic on the cobblestone streets below made it so difficult to sleep on your bed of nails.

And then I found the one on the shores of Lake of Fire. It's a magnificent piece of property, and surely with the sins I've accumulated in my 32 years of life, I can already afford my down payment.

If you're gonna live in Hell, live it up right.