The Password Is...

WOOF!

The word "woof" has become one of those gay peculiarities, and I have sold out and it pops out of my mouth at least 40 or 50 times a day. And every gay man knows exactly what it means. And in case you don't...Imagine this scenario...

HotAss and I are in the Pottery Barn Outlet (yeah, how much more gay can this be?), grazing our fingertips lightly over the leather chairs and carefully weighing the heft of wood (yeah, THAT gay), when out of the corner of our eyes, we see this guy. He's tall, maybe 6'3" or 6'4", broad shouldered -- a well-built kinda man. He's youngish - late 20s/early 30s. Baseball cap, hoodie sweatshirt, jeans and yellow heavy workboots. And kind of under our breath, but simultaneously, HotAss and I say "woof!"

Another scenario...I'm over at HotAss's, doing laundry and we're watching a movie, "All Over the Guy." Every time Richard Ruccolo appears on the screen, HotAss and I say "Woof!"

So apparently "hot" is the sole criteria for being woof-worthy... but not just "hot" -- there has to be an overtly masculine appearance, and for the most part, at least as HotAss and I agree, there must be some chest hair (although Richard Ruccolo appears to be hairless). And you'd never use WOOF as a sign of acclaim for some skinny, hairless, chihuahua-like boy. Justin Timberlake? Not a woof. Orlando Bloom? Not a woof. In my book, barely a whimper. Collin Farrell. WOOF. Hugh Jackman. WOOF. John Travolta. WOOF WOOF.

But why WOOF? Images of dogs sniffing each other's nether regions to determine likability come to mind, but then again, that's what gay men do... And I guess the best thing about WOOF is that we can say it without making a scene -- yet another subculture high-five that the straights have yet to corrupt...give it time...

P.S. I was only kidding on that John Travolta thing...