No, of course you don't. Because it never happened.
I'm stealing this from Sardonic Bomb.
If you read this (even if we don’t speak often or don’t really know each other) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me.
It can be anything you want — good memory or bad — BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.
So leave me a comment and tell me what you don't remember about us.
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12 comments:
I remember our first date, "WOW" it was wonderful.
Remember I picked you up and took you out to the River park, and we sat on a blanket,looked out over the river during the sunset and I opened the bottle of Clos du Bois, Chardonnay. We sat and talked and drank that wine all night. I remember our first kiss, how I stroked your face with both hands and grabbed the back of your head to pull you closer and deeper into the kiss.
The moon was so bright that night it looked like a spotlight on just the two of us and it drowned out all the traffic noise and it was like you and I were the only ones left on the planet.
Memories like that , will always stay in my mind, and reflect on a better time in my life .
Remember when we were driving cross country from Seattle to Nashville and the car broke down in Nebraska on a back highway and that guy came up and asked us if we needed any help and you said, no dude, we’re kosher. And he thought we were cussing at him because he didn’t understand the word kosher. That was back when you and I wore black a lot and he thought we were beatniks and since Nebraska has a ban on Beatniks he chased us down the street to the cowfield then we doubled back and went to IHOP. I got pecan pancakes and you asked for French Toast, but they called it freedom toast. Oh, and you were high. Snark.
One of my favorite memories is when I called you up, all upset over some boy or other, and you hotwired a car and drove across town and picked me up. I don't know why you hotwired a car; I think you thought it would totally distract me from being upset, and it totally did!
We drove to a couple of bars but didn't really like any of them. You saw some guy walking down the street and said that I needed to have sex with him right then. You pulled over right in front of him, got out, pulled me out the window and yelled to the guy, "Hey, what would it take for you to have sex with my bud?"
I don't know what he said, but next thing I knew, I was laying on the back seat of this car, and the guy was riding me like nobody's business. You just hung out, outside the car, I guess, cause when we were done, the guy got out and you hopped back in the driver's seat.
We took off like bats out of hell, went to some really weird Chinese food place and had an awesome dinner. Then we went and cruised the area where you boosted the car, and not seeing any heat, parked it where you found it and hoofed it back to your place.
Chilled in front of the TV until I zonked out on your couch. It was so strange and so great!
Do you remember how we met? It was at that bar that isn't there anymore, and you bet me a blowjob that I couldn't name all of the kids on The Waltons. I never told you this, but I lost on purpose. *wink
Scott
Do you remember when we were kids and you use to come over to my house and swing on my swing set while I played with my race cars in the dirt? Haha, that swing set was such a POS and remember *ha* that one time that we were climbing on the top of it like two circus performers and you fell off onto the slide and slid down half on and half off the slide and hit the ground so hard you couldn't breathe *ha* and it would have been funny if you hadn't gotten that huge gash on your forehead that got all infected and turned weird colors and oozed some nasty @$&# out of it? And your Mom got mad and called my Mom and we snuck behind the laundry room door so we could hear what your Mom was saying and I got scared and ran home because I knew my Mom would be mad and wouldn't want me to play with you anymore but your Mom got over it and let you come play but warned you away from the swing set. Ha. Those were the days.
Remember that time we got really drunk at The Cafe? Drunken jokes led to not-so-subtle touching, which led to your bedroom for a night of raunchy sex. Unfortunately, I found out the next day that I had crabs, and had to make a phone call to you about it that evening.
Good times, huh!
OMG, I forgot our second date ….Lord…..Where do I begin .
Let’s see, the hard biscuits you cooked , or the bright blue shower you wanted to make love in ? hum?
Well I do remember that night, it was cold outside , and so warm inside because you were stealing the electrical service from your neighbor that lezzy bitch who hated men, (and had the tattoo of Anita Bryant on her WOO WOO OR HEE HEE, okay her pussy where her Muff used to be ) and the guy you met the night before you blew cause you lost the bet about the Walton’s (WHATEVER) whom you promised to bottom for (like you are a top) for free HBO and Showtime and electrical service if you did this it …….
Well back to the dinner, you said how much you love cooking fabulous food.
And I chocked down the meatloaf with extra crackers, and the pizza seasoning , cause that was all you had , and your famous green beans ….god they were out of a can ,(which is okay, just don’t tell me you picked them when you went home to see your family in Henderson ) I should have known you were not form there with your expired plates from Nashville and what was they deal with that old cum stained teddy bear that some guy gave you or uanita from Sordid Lives. And you made drive your Daewoo down Union ave to pick me up cause you did not want me to see they were upgrading the elevator in you building……….. I have to stop, I cannot continue, I hurts soo bad on that second night, that my broke my heart , thinking you were all that , and I still have the scar from you biscuit as you threw me out into the hall on my way out .
I will say this, if it was not for your display , I would not have met the hot gut “Jim” from OTIS elevator company to catch my fall as you kicked me down that shaft with your …………I think………cheap sketcher shoes with the shoe carnival tag still attached at the bottom, which was left on my right cheek when you slammed it with your foot
I love you (SKIPPER, BOB PETERS, BIG ONE IN MEMPHIS, HOMEALONESTR8, BOYBLUE, 2PACMECURE, CLAYACKINFAN33, CAMP_POKE_A_HINEY_, DICKGOESINYA , MUSINGSMYASSBITCH, HOTASSLOVER, ARTISTFRIEND, or whatever your name really is and always will
Happy Valentines Day
I will remember you always……cause the Herpes itch and I always scratch those bumps………and so will Dr. Wilson
Sorry for all the mistypes
I was crying so hard, my fingers would not hit the keys right, form this Commodore 64
Computer you gave me last Valentines Day as my gift …..Fuck you !
I miss you !
I will never forget the first time you did drag. You handled yourself with such feminine poise that I could've sworn you had real poontang goin' on down there. I love how imaginative you were, having never done drag before. The water-balloon tits you kept in place with a half-gallon of spirit-gum and a really tight bra were nice and bouncy, and I'm glad nobody chose to hug you very hard... The shoulder pads you pulled out of momma's old suit-jacket gave you a fabulous ass in that body-suit you stole from Charlotte... I have to say, though, I've never heard of anyone else actually duct-taping their bare johnson to their leg. I can't imagine that came off very easily. Ah well, the joy of experimentation...
Eyes met across the room...I had a few more cosmos...next thing i know, i am waking up in a bed naked...and it is not my bed...fill in the rest...
Nice blog by the way!
That time at Music Fest back in 97 when you grabbed a beer from that hippie and ran with it? That was so awesome. Of course how were you to know that the hippie had laced the beer with acid. It was so funny!
Next thing I know, you're trying to skinny dip on the east bank of the park. I kept trying to tell you that you were trying to skinny dip in the bluff and the River was on the west end of the park. You proceeded to tell me how the west end was the inside and you swam in the grass.
I could never understand how a Baptist preacher like yourself could claim he was the devil's plaything.
I was thankful that the cops finally pulled you out of the bottom of the porta john.
That was crazy!
Oh that porn shoot- I was nervous, you were calm- I still think you'd done it before. The guys were hung-it's a good thing I trend bottom, but what you did was unreal! I've never seen anybody take 3 like that. I don't think you're a whore, but why'd they call it "Southern Discomfort"?
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