Dude, You're Getting Screwed

I noticed that Dell has changed its tagline to "Purely You." Given the frustration I've had for the past two weeks, I'd like to change it to "Purely the Worst Customer Service Experience You'll Ever Have."

And honestly it really has surprised me. Before two weeks ago, I thought Dell was a great product and I've been a faithful customer for four years, buying cameras, computers, PDAs and blah blah blah from Dell and never really having an ounce of trouble.

But the trouble started three weeks ago when my current computer took a nosedive. I hit the power button and it refused to boot Windows. And, not really knowing what I was doing, I fucked myself by reinstalling Windows, and it seems I lost everything. So I decided it was a sign to retire the four-year-old laptop and get a new one.

I placed an order online for a new laptop with all the bells & whistles, and got the email stating that my order had been acknowledged and that I would soon get another email saying that the order would be processed. The second email never arrived.

Two days went by, and when I called to check on it, I got tangled up with not one, not two, not three but four different customer service reps who told me in their broken English the order was lost, and that I would need to place the order again. Oh wait, no it isn't lost, the last one says. It just showed up in the system and my order would be shipped within three to five days.

Last Monday, I get an automated call from UPS saying that my package would be delivered that day by 7 p.m. The package never arrived. Using the tracking number only told me that "UPS has electronically received billing information from the shipper." That was the status for more than a week, and still no laptop.

Yesterday, I became an irate customer. The first customer service rep told me that UPS had an "address issue" and returned the package to Dell, but not to worry because my account would be credited, and that if I had further questions about the "address issue" I needed to contact UPS.

UPS told me that the package was supposed to be delivered on the day they called, but they couldn't explain why it wasn't or if delivery was even attempted. I called Dell again and the second customer service rep researched and told me that UPS never received the package from Dell, and then upon further research, told me that Dell had never actually shipped the package in the first place. But I shouldn't worry because my account would be credited within 10-15 days and I could place the order again.

But wait, I said, why wasn't I notified about all this? And why can't you just go find the damn package and ship it out to me again, and forget the whole crediting my account thing?

I'm sorry, sir. We can't do that.

Why not? Oh because the credit is already being processed and the computer is being placed into Dell's refurbished inventory.

I'm sorry for the inconvenience, but don't worry, I will personally make sure you are kept apprised of the status of the credit reversal.

And that's where I basically called her a liar because Dell had done such a lousy job at keeping me notified of the status thus far.

I'm sorry for the inconvenience, sir. Were you happy with the level of service I provided to you today?

The more I thought about it yesterday, the madder I got. So at Hotass' urging, I called Dell one more time last night and ended up talking to two more customer service reps who put me on hold for 2-3 minutes every other exchange so they could update my record.

Finally, Dell agreed to ship a replacement product (but I'm not sure how it could replace something I never had in the first place) and ship it overnight at their expense. Now why couldn't the first person I talked to done that, and saved me three hours of being on hold that I will never get back?

I should have my fancy-schmancy Dell Inspiron E1705 within 3-5 business days.

Assuming they don't screw me over again.