Mama, I'm coming home.
This fella I've had a few dates(?) with instant-messaged me this evening and said, "Guess what I had to do tonight?"
A million things go through my mind, especially when it's the fella I've had a few dates with.
"I have no idea. What?"
"I had to fish a dead armadillo out of my swiming pool!"
What the fu*k?
Ok...now look...this doesn't happen everyday in Memphis. Maybe in El Paso, but not Memphis? And for crying out loud, dude lives in Germantown...which might as well be Suburban Breeder Hell, east of the Mississippi River.
So the story is that this armadillo weighed about 12 pounds and was ugly as homemade sin in its dead, water-logged state.
"Apparently, he couldn't swim or get out of the pool."
Well, look. Of course, the armor-coated rat had to be able to swim. He had to cross the Mississippi River somehow.
"Or he could have crossed the bridge."
Well, yeah. But look, even I am afraid to cross the bridge, and not to mention, walk through West Memphis.
I implored the fella to call animal control or State Fish & Wildlife. But, it's dead, he says.
Well, yeah. But finding an armadillo in Germantown floating in your pool, is almost like finding a kangaroo dead in your driveway. It just doesn't happen.
And I think Fish & Wildlife oughta know these ugly bastards have finally learned to cross busy highways.
1 comment:
Man in Memphis, how funny have you made this less than enjoyable experience? (rhetorical Q)
Ok so thought you might enjoy a follow-up. With a bit of research I have learned that the armadillo is becoming considered indigenous to parts of northern MS AND West TN (over the past 8-10 yrs). So my uninvited swim fan, most likely did not have to ford the mighty Mississippi OR bravely venture "Walkin' in Memphis" as a few artists, including Cher, have so aptly crooned. They - the armadillo - can, in fact, swim but only for short periods, and even hold their breath for up to 10 minutes to walk across small stream beds! Evidently, this little fella attempted, beyond his capabilities to get outta the pool. And since they make no audible sounds, I could not hear his stuggles or cries for help. Sad but, none the less, I would rather not have to undertake such a "fishing expedition" again! And hopefully there are no friends of his with similar ideas, 'cause I just might "hurt myself" if one were to present himself one evening while I was enjoying the pool.
The Enamored Catholic (formerly Entertained Catholic)
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